I longed for my partner’s compliment, but he/she wouldn’t budge. Heard something similar? Does your beloved partner (or friend) find it hard to utter one of the shortest sentences “I love you?” And never mistake this for playing hard to get, they are two different things.
When you are reluctant to praise others but prefer to harp on their flaws, display no empathy, no sharing or giving attitude, no support, no encouragement, no acknowledgement, no complements, then you are emotional stingy.
Emotional stinginess is a way to manipulate, withhold affection and control another person, in a way that this other person would always look up to you the manipulator for thumbs up and compliments. If you keep pursuing this kind of ideology whether intentionally or unintentionally, you are likely to be stranded or end up with an unhealthy relationship.
Love is giving, nothing else. And giving should be a two-way thing.
Do emotionally stingy people intentionally behave the way they behave? What are the causes?
1. Environment: Especially as a child, when all you have been exposed to is emotional stinginess, from your parents, role models, school teachers, peers, it will be seen as a normal act.
2. Fear: Their definition of being kind means vulnerability. They are afraid that their gesture might not be reciprocated.
3. Ego and Competitiveness: An emotionally stingy person sees this world as a race, it is all about winning and losing. To them showering praise on someone means that they are admitting that this person is better and more superior to them.
A repentant person said, “However, instead of feeling better, I felt emotionally barren. Despite my efforts to keep the best for myself, I didn’t feel better off. I was constantly scrutinizing others while clinging on to the praise and happiness for myself, in a bid to make myself better, more superior.”
4. Lack: They are coming from the place of lack, not necessarily material dearth, it could be the lack of attention, happiness, and other emotional needs from their childhood.
5. Miserable: They feel miserable on the inside and want others to be like them too. After all, misery loves company.
6. Selfishness: It’s all about “me”, no one else, just me.
The route to emotional generosity
An emotionally generous person is someone whose mind is healthy and full of wholesome thoughts. Emotional generosity is the act of making others feel positive without expecting anything in return.
How?
Praise often, focus on others’ strengths and abilities, be intentional about caring for others, be ready to celebrate, appreciate and give positive and constructive criticism where possible and if solicited, show genuine concerns for others without expecting anything in return, shoe empathy.
When you sow positivity in the lives of others, you would be pleasantly surprised by how much you would reap in the harvest season.
Tell us what we missed in describing an emotionally generous person.
