Friday 8th of September was a crazy day in Lagos. Crazy in terms of traffic, although traffic is a norm in Lagos but this Friday was extraordinary.
So here is sneak peak into my Friday, I got off from work at 4:00pm West Africa time but it had already started raining before then.
I found my way to the nearest bus stop only for Lagos traffic to say to me kiss me in the ass baby we are having dinner together.
The journey was crazy but as I seat in this Lagos traffic every single event draw me closer to you even though my heart feels far away from you, I guess that’s because I haven’t meant you yet!
However far or near you might be, here is my Friday traffic chronicle to you.
Dear hubby,
I want to one day look at you and smile.
I want to ask myself how I got so lucky.
I want to wonder what exactly I did it said that got me so blessed.
I want to tell our story and have you be the center of attention.
I want to tease you and ask why so fine, how did you get to be this amazing or why so full of wisdom.
I want to lay my head to rest at night grateful for the gift of you.
I want to love you in every way.
I want to chorus I love you every step of the way.
I want to be your support system and you mine.
Then the reality of traffic brought me back to life. I said chronicles right? So don’t worry my darling, there is more from where that came from.
Some days I am super excited to meet you Some days I get so tired of waiting
Some days I really just don’t know if marriage is for me
Some days I wonder what the fuss is about
Some days I just really long to be loved, to be hugged, to be told it’s all gonna be okay
Some days like this I simply wish to share my thoughts with you, whispering sweet nothing to your ears, sending goofy videos and pictures, telling you to put the sun to your shine because you’re my sunshine.
It gets really draining out here waiting while seeing videos and pictures of people sharing his view, my view.
It gets really boring trying to do life without you although I know sometimes we just have to do life alone after all some journeys are best traveled alone even when you are hooked.
It gets crazier on days when I have to ask myself if you will ever make it to me, like seriously what’s taking your time but hey I get it I would rather have you almost done than uncooked.
So take your time to build, dig your wells and prosper in it as I take my time to build too, digging my wells and leaving behind my baggage.
These sweet nothing letters that started out as a joke is becoming more real than I envisage all thanks to my sister for the pressure she puts on me to keep them coming.
Sometimes it feels like these letters and my sister reading them is as far as it goes and other days I am so damn sure you will show up and love the letters so dearly, as you travel through my words into my memory lane.
How I wish you could pen down your journeys too and help me walk through your waiting pains and struggles because trust me I know waiting can be hard no matter how much you enjoy singlehood.
Be that as it may while you wait dearly beloved I hope you are feasting on wisdom because how well we carry our marital season is mostly dependant on how well we upheld our single season, how well we fed as we waited for each other.
Its the knowledge decade honey bunny, I hope you find your teachers and listen to them well, I hope you know that when your eyes is single your whole body will definitely be full of light.
The question I want to leave with you this time is what are you focused on? What is your convergent knowledge quest?
Dear Future husband I think right about this time last week was when I gave up on us, I mean I gave up on ever meeting you. It is not totally because I do not think you will arrive anytime soon or even arrive at all.
I believe that it is partially because I am just sick and tired of my own back and forth, like seriously why do I want to love today and tomorrow I am simply exhausted from just the thought of love.
Dear Future husband I think I hurt more than I let out, I think I let my fears, my hurt and the uncertainty of life influence my heart and how it loves.
Truth be told, the world around me, the gist of social media and various blog post is not really helping matters but then again how can they help what they don’t even know.
Dear Future Husband, I do not want to be afraid anymore, I do want to be free to love holding nothing back, I do want to be me and no one else, nothing else.
I do want to dig deeper, sought after the innermost part of me and be all I can most especially in love and trust affairs but how do I rid myself of this world’s conditioning that has eaten so deep into me that makes me question every good thing that comes to me and second guess my worth.
I am just tired of being the one who needs a shoulder to lean on, why can’t I be the one whose shoulder is leaned on. I will be a burden to no one is the promise I made to myself a long time ago and because of this promise dear hubby is why about this time last week
I concluded that my love journey ends there and then, for I won’t be one of the hurting people that hurts people, I would not selfishly earnestly hope and wait for you to know that the only thing I have to offer you is to bleed on you.
So I need to heal of my distrust and exhausting love, I need to grow beyond the standard and conditioning the world set for me.
I need to find ‘me’ the original path to love and until then my journey ceases to continue and if I never heal then whatever will be, will be.
One last thing dear future husband if you truly do exist somewhere then don’t give up on me as I have given up on us, I mean on me.
