It’s been a while since we’ve gotten intimate. The last time I checked, we were both contracted and committed to staying married to each other for life. It’s been years since our courtship took off and I’ve seen little reason to think it would stop anytime soon.
That said, every time I think about bringing up the subject of marriage or the possibility of a relationship breaking down, my mind races toward a dozen reasons why my spouse wouldn’t want to be intimate.
1. Stress: Relationship stress is widespread and affects both couples and individuals in many different ways. Some people experience chronic unhappiness in their marriage simply because they can’t agree on how to solve their problems.
Others become frustrated and angry with their spouse because they cannot achieve certain goals or contribute equally to the material aspects of their lives.
Problems arise because each person strives to please the other at the cost of focusing on self-interest. This results in frustration, which can lead to infidelity.
2. Chronic pain: This diminishes the pleasure of the sexual act and limits sexual styles display. Depression and stress can get in the way, as can certain medications for chronic pain.
3. Negative perception: Many people have a dull or negative perception of their partner. Negative perceptions can cloud a person’s view of their spouse and their relationship, putting them at a disadvantage when it comes to intimacy.
It can be difficult to recognize these perceptions because the underlying attitude is often positive. If you feel that your spouse doesn’t appreciate you or your affection, then it will be harder for you to bond in marriage. Consequently, you will experience fewer rewards at the end of the day.
4. Anxiety: Society tells us that marriage is only meant for one-man-one-woman relationships, and if you break up with your spouse, it’s considered a big change in your life. It can be scary to ask for a divorce.
Even worse, sometimes your spouse won’t talk about sex or intimacy with you. It’s very common for people to blame the other spouse for their lack of interest in sex. But there’s actually a common source of sexual apathy in the West: anxiety about intimacy.
5. Low libido: If you are a husband or wife, there is a good chance that your spouse is avoiding sex. These days, sexual frustration is not as unusual as it used to be.
Many couples live lives filled with friction and worry about their inferior status in the pecking order that has created an atmosphere where sex is simply not on the table.
If you are living with an avoidant spouse, there are several things you can do to get your relationship back on track.
When it comes to relationships, less is more. Sometimes, it’s less talk and more kissing. In other cases, intimacy is reduced to cuddling and sleeping together.
If you’ve been divorced for a while, you might find yourself wishing your spouse was more interested in you. But if you really want a relationship with your spouse, there are ways you can keep the passion alive.
For example, try making an effort to spend time with him or her one-on-one instead of at work.
