As they say, wahala be like bicycle, little wonder some folks are scared to get married just because of dowry. A dowry is the money or goods or any valuable items the bride’s family gives to their daughter’s new husband and/or his family when they are married.

Take note; any other terms associated with the exchange of wealth during a marriage are “bride price” and “dower.” The dower is the property that is settled upon for the bride at the time of marriage so that she is taken care of should she survive her husband.

Really though, in countries like India, dowry is the gift that could be in form of land, gold and other things of value given to the groom by the bride or the brides family.

The History and Meaning of the Dowry

Many years back, the bride’s family is responsible to give the dowry to the groom or his family to settle the cost of the bride’s living expenses when she eventually settles into the man’s house

While it is usually thought that a dowry is always given by a bride to her destined husband, it is the contrary in other cultures, where the groom offers a gift to the bride or her family.

The dowry can serve as a contribution to in-laws or coverage for the bride should she choose to leave her husband. It is something she can take with her in the event of divorce to secure her financial security.

Today, the dowry has emerged into a more informal and casual practice across most cultures, particularly amongst the African and South Asian diasporas. It is a way to keep traditions alive and pay respect to a couple’s culture

Bride price is the gifts the bride receives from either the groom or his family. Like a form of insurance for the party receiving it.

In the Nigerian culture, the brides family is the one receiving the gifts, in fact, demands certain gifts. Once the gifts are brought on the wedding day, the bride’s family presents some gifts to the groom’s family to show acceptance and love. You could call it an exchange of gifts.

Now, these gifts are in form of food items, You can gift a land, sure, but that is quite extreme. How do you ask a man who does not have a house to his name to gift you a land? Besides, we feel gifts like this should be out of the benevolence of any of the parties involved.

This is culture, it also makes the ceremony quite interesting to watch. Interesting to watch? Nobody tells you how much drama they have had to go through before these gifts are presented.

On the Yoruba Dowry list, there are about 20 items. Where you find items like 42 tubers of yam, 42 kolanut, 2 baskets of assorted fruits, 42 alligator pepper, a suitcase containing clothes for the bride and her mother, 42 dry fishes and so on.

These items are quite similar to the one on the Igbo tribe list. Some families have removed items like alligator pepper, bitter kola, kolanut, saying they are items for idol worship and replaced them with Bournvita, Milo, Milk.

Can you imagine? The same kolanut is used to flavour carbonated drinks even has health benefits. Haaa

Well, you still have to pay a certain amount on the wedding day and set some money aside in different envelopes for designated members of the bride’s family.

These are just some of the items, Ladies, how much is a tuber of yam in your locality? Multiply it by 42.

A man earning N30,000 which is the minimum wage in Nigeria cannot afford to have a wife. When he does have a wife, he has spent all he has to get one. Seems like buying one!

In Conclusion

What was originally meant to be a gift and promise of security from one partner to another has now become a financial market that has resulted in broken engagements.

It is for this reason that some countries like Pakistan, India, Kenya, Nepal, and Greece, passed laws making dowries illegal. We think some more Africa’s countries should illegalize dowry payments so our queens can get married on time.

See, If you cannot afford these items, you can beg that they be reduced (God no go shame you) It can be, but the listed items have to be complete. Just know when the devil comes to cause a little havoc, these will be remembered and used to shame you.

Sighs, our women are worth more, queens we Stan, right? Can we just cut this coat according to both families sizes? What is the essence of these when the couple will go hungry for months and live on other people until they recover from dowry wahala?