Being nice is acceptable. It feels good to do pleasant things. However, abandoning your own goals, needs, and aspirations to make someone else happy is a slippery slope into the “too nice” area. It would help if you were less pleasant for your own sake, not for the sake of the world.
How to stop being too nice
1. Be mindful of the ideas that lead to your people-pleasing.
Do you think it is selfish to take care of yourself? Why? How is it not correct? How can people-pleasing manipulate and harm those around you?
2. State Your Intention
Give your opinion if someone asks for it. You spend much too much time worrying about how to say things to people without offending them. Instead, try being straightforward.
People will call you a straight shooter if you say what you mean. People do not ask you questions in order for you to lie to them.
Of course, you must use tact, but if you always speak what you mean, you will never have to regret what you did not say. Those are the things you can never get back.
3. Slow down and Process.
Allow yourself time to reflect on your true sentiments and acknowledge them without condemning or rationalizing them.
Sometimes, all you need is a few minutes to reflect on the issue and process your emotions.
Taking that time does not make you sluggish or indecisive. It implies that you are concerned with making the finest option possible rather than the quickest.
4. Learn how to say “No.”
Practice saying no to individuals who want you to put your personal needs aside in order to make their lives simpler. If someone asks you to jeopardize your own goals for their benefit, at the very least, allow yourself time to ponder the consequences.
Anyone who demands a quick response deserves a “No.” You are not required to defend your reasons to anyone other than yourself.
5. Set clear boundaries and convey them.
Everyone needs clear boundaries in order to protect themselves and their priorities from people who routinely impose on others in order to acquire what they want. Having such limits is not enough; you must communicate them as well.
It is also important how you do this. A calm, authoritative tone and straightforward, unambiguous language convey the message without allowing violators an opportunity to protest.
6. Confront your inner critic
You have become accustomed to allowing your inner critic to side with the bullies.
When those critical inner voices arise, you may be honest with yourself. Even if you are not ready to speak it aloud, tell yourself the truth. Be truthful about your desires and take care of your needs.
The more you do this, the simpler it will be to speak the truth loudly enough for others to hear.
7. Face your fear of offending others.
Reasonable individuals who care about you will not be offended if you speak up for yourself and are honest about how you feel.
They may be irritated at first, but they will appreciate your honesty in the long run.
Those who are angry do not deserve your wrath. They are self-centered jerks who are merely disappointed that you are not so readily exploited and used to fulfill their purposes.
8. Get Rid of Guilt
When you maintain your ground, your old-giving nature will naturally want to surface and cause guilt. You will, however, discover that people will ultimately embrace the new you. Walk away after declining a request and fight the impulse to second-guess your decision or allow guilt to dwell on your thoughts. Get on with your life and focus on things that are actually important to you and will make you happier.
