There is a particular kind of tiredness that sleep doesn’t seem to fix.
You wake up in the morning and you’re already tired.
You haven’t carried anything. You haven’t run anywhere. You haven’t even done much yet.
But somehow, you’re exhausted.
You make breakfast, answer a few messages, get yourself ready for work, take the children to school, sit through meetings, reply to emails, check your bank account, call your mum, remember that you need to buy something for the house, think about dinner, worry about that thing you haven’t dealt with yet, scroll through your phone for ten minutes and suddenly realise that it’s 10 p.m.
And you think:
“What did I even do today?”
That’s the strange thing about being a woman sometimes.
You can spend an entire day doing things that don’t look particularly difficult on paper and still feel like you’ve run a marathon.
Because being tired isn’t always about how much your body has done.
Sometimes, it’s about how much your mind has been carrying.
You might be doing more than you realise
- Think about the number of little things you remember in a normal day.
- You remember your child’s appointment.
- You remember that the electricity bill is due.
- You remember your partner’s birthday is coming.
- You remember what food is running low at home.
- You remember that email you haven’t answered.
- You remember your friend’s problem because she told you about it three weeks ago.
- You remember that your mother needs you to call her.
- You remember that you need to book the dentist.
- You remember that you haven’t replied to someone.
- You remember that you need to start saving more money.
- You remember that you’re supposed to be exercising.
- You remember that you haven’t called your sister.
- You remember that you need to look after yourself.
And then, ironically, looking after yourself becomes another thing on the list.
No wonder you’re tired.
Sometimes you are not physically tired. You are mentally crowded.
There is a difference.
Physical tiredness says:
“I need to sleep.”
Mental exhaustion says:
“I need everyone to stop needing something from me for five minutes.”
And that second one can be much harder to explain.
You can be sitting on the sofa doing absolutely nothing and still feel exhausted because your brain hasn’t stopped working.
What’s happening tomorrow?
Did I send that email?
Can I afford this?
Is my child okay?
Why hasn’t she replied?
Should I leave this job?
Should I be doing more with my life?
Am I saving enough?
Why does everyone else seem to be moving forward?
Did I lock the door?
What am I cooking tomorrow?
When was the last time I actually enjoyed myself?
It’s exhausting.
And nobody sees most of it.
Then there is the pressure to have everything together
Women are expected to be a lot of things at the same time.
Successful, but not obsessed with work.
Independent, but still caring.
Beautiful, but effortless.
A good mother, but still ambitious.
A good wife, but still your own person.
Financially responsible, but able to enjoy life.
Available to your family, but also good at setting boundaries.
Healthy, emotionally intelligent, well dressed, organised and somehow still smiling in photographs.
And social media has made this even worse.
You open Instagram and someone is renovating her house.
Someone else is on holiday in Dubai.
Someone is announcing her engagement.
Another woman has just bought a new car.
Someone has lost weight.
Someone has started a business.
Someone is running a marathon.
Someone is posting her perfect family breakfast.
Meanwhile, you’re sitting in your pyjamas wondering whether you can be bothered to wash your hair.
And suddenly you feel like you’re behind.
You’re not.
You are just looking at somebody else’s highlight reel while living inside your own unfinished story.
Sometimes your tiredness is telling you something
Not every form of tiredness should simply be ignored.
Sometimes you genuinely need more sleep.
Sometimes you need better food, movement, rest or a proper break.
And sometimes persistent or unusual tiredness can be a sign that something is going on with your physical or mental health and deserves proper attention.
But sometimes your tiredness is also a message.
Maybe you have been saying yes when you want to say no.
Maybe you’ve been carrying responsibilities that should be shared.
Maybe you’re constantly available to everyone.
Maybe you haven’t had a proper day off in months.
Maybe you’re working somewhere that drains you.
Maybe you’re worrying about money every day.
Maybe you’re in a relationship that takes more from you than it gives.
Maybe you’re trying desperately to become the version of yourself you think everyone expects.
Maybe you simply haven’t had enough quiet.
You don’t always need another productivity hack
This is something women need to hear more often.
You don’t necessarily need another morning routine.
You don’t need to wake up at 5 a.m., drink lemon water, journal for 20 minutes, meditate, exercise, read ten pages, plan your day and then somehow become a completely different person before breakfast.
Sometimes you need to do less.
Close the laptop.
Put your phone down.
Leave the dishes until tomorrow.
Say no to the invitation.
Stop explaining yourself.
Take the afternoon off if you can.
Sit somewhere quiet.
Go for a walk without turning it into a fitness challenge.
Watch something silly.
Have a cup of tea.
Talk to somebody who makes you feel safe.
Sleep.
And don’t feel guilty about it.
Rest doesn’t have to be something you earn after becoming completely exhausted.
And maybe you need to stop asking, “What is wrong with me?”
Maybe nothing is wrong with you.
Maybe you’re simply tired.
Tired of trying.
Tired of worrying.
Tired of being responsible.
Tired of pretending certain things don’t hurt.
Tired of starting again.
Tired of being the person everybody calls when something goes wrong.
Tired of comparing your life to other people’s lives.
Tired of trying to look okay when you don’t feel okay.
Tired of having to be strong.
And honestly?
You are allowed to be tired.
You don’t have to turn every difficult season into a lesson.
You don’t have to come out of everything stronger.
Sometimes you just need to get through it.
Then breathe.
Then begin again.
So, girl, before you call yourself lazy…
Ask yourself what you’re actually carrying.
Because there is a big difference between doing nothing and having nothing left to give.
Maybe you’ve been doing more than you realise.
Maybe your body is asking for rest.
Maybe your mind needs quiet.
Maybe your life needs some boundaries.
Maybe somebody else needs to start carrying their share.
And maybe tonight, instead of asking yourself why you haven’t accomplished enough today, you can ask a kinder question:
“What have I been carrying that nobody else can see?”
You might be surprised by the answer.
And perhaps, for once, you don’t need to fix everything tonight.
Perhaps you just need to rest.
You can try again tomorrow.
